The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
