Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
