Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
