He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize