i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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