So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
