Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
