If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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