a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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