So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
