Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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