don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think my mom watched the whole time
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
