If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
