im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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