i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I still have a little drunk in my system
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
