I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
