His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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