I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
