I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
3pm strippers are depressing
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize