Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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