That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
