i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
one two three fourrrrnication!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
