he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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