Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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