Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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