I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
