PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
lol hangovers are for mortals.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize