Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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