a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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