You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
