i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
