I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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