Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
