i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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