wake up i wanna do it froggy style
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
