I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
