do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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