DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize