Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
