All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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