Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
