Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize