Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
