Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize