i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
