a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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