You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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