If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
