Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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