I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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