ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
