I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
