She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize