At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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