You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize