he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
