she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
