By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
