I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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