Welp...herpes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
