I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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