just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
