i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
