3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I enjoy the company of your penis
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
