i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
