That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize