glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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